Gifted children go through cognitive maturity at an accelerated rate. This development is often out of synchrony with the other elements of the child's growth. Common behavioral issues tend to emerge long before puberty. Taking cues from those parents and experts in the development areas will smooth the transitions that are destined to occur in the gifted child.
Personality Development Versus Cognitive Maturation in the Gifted Child
The gifted child is developing in many ways, though the cognitive development is, by definition, well ahead of the child's chronological age. A gifted child can have any combination of personality characteristics and these are not a by product of the intellectual giftedness. In other words, if the child happens to be very extroverted, it may be more obvious that he is also gifted but he is not extroverted because of his giftedness.
The introverted child, who is more inward-looking and more apt to keep things to himself can be just as gifted as the outgoing child. However, he may be so quiet that his giftedness may go unnoticed until a much later date than with the other child.
The introverted child will have needs that are significantly different from the extrovert in that he may need coaxing to speak up in a classroom setting or may be more reticent about leading a group until he develops a firm comfort level in the class setting.
Parents would benefit from testing the young child with a Myers-Briggs Personality Profile. This way, they can help the child adjust based on the recommendations of the indices. This is a great tool for all family members to utilize as it can help them to better understand why they become frustrated with one another and how to resolve some differences in personal styles.
Aberrant Behavior Cues From the Gifted Child
Behavior exhibited by the child is a product of his personality, giftedness, environment and parenting, among other factors. Gifted children can be spoiled like any child and the gifted child is often more adept at manipulating others than a normal child.
A gifted child who has developed skill in manipulating his parents, pitting one against the other or going after a parent's indecisiveness can create dysfunction in the family unit. The perceptive parent who sees this kind of pattern developing may need to discuss it with a counseling professional who specializes in family dynamics.
In order to prevent this from developing in the first place, the parents need to present a unified front, deciding on key childrearing issues together and maintaining consistency for the whole family. Treating the gifted child as the "exception" to the rule is not the answer and could create more behavioral problems than it solves.
Fairness in Discipline for the Gifted Child and the Family
Gifted children have a very keen sense of fairness. They know when they are being slighted and when they are advantaged. It is human nature to want the advantage and the gifted child will take whatever he gets in that regard. The parents need to ensure they are fair to all family members and do not treat the child as if the rules do not apply to him. For example, while it is okay to allow the child to stay up late for a particular activity once in a while, it is important to allow this same privilege to all the kids in the family and not just the gifted child.
On the other hand, if the family policy has been that nine-year-olds have a bedtime of 9:00pm, there is no reason for the gifted child to have a different bedtime than the rest of the kids had when they were the same age. Arbitrary rule exceptions like this would anger the other siblings and treat the gifted child like he is exempt from the rules.
Gifted Children and Peer Pressure
Being a gifted child can sometimes be a challenging experience, particularly in the classroom setting. Gifted kids often say they feel like freaks because they know all the answers and may be teased or bullied by others. Sometimes this results in a child acting like she is less intelligent than she really is just to avoid the negative attention from her peers.
There may be a case for considering accelerations, or grade skipping, so that she is in a class setting that is more on par with her abilities. Further, if she can keep up with the chronologically advanced class, she will be in an environment that is conducive to her learning from other students.
Consult with the teacher and principal on this possibility. If the public school environment is unreceptive, the parent may want to consider a private school or private tutoring for the child as an enhancement to her education.
In summary, behavior issues are common among gifted kids. Consistency in family rules is needed to keep things fair and avoid spoiling the gifted child. Keep tabs on the child's school activities and have frequent contact with her teachers. Consider the possibility of acceleration, which has a solid track record of success for the gifted child in a public school setting.
Please also see the article Emotional Health and the Gifted Child.
Reference:
Fertig, Carol. Raising a Gifted Child. TX: Profrock Press, 2009.
Therese Haberman - With a MS degree and 25 years in HR mgmt, in 2005, Ms.Therese began a writing career specializing in children and HR.
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