It is time to take stock and figure out who has been naughty this year, as well as what you are going to do about it. Read on.
Workplace Celebrations and the Naughty Listers
We all have our own version of Ernie. At the holiday party, he drinks most of the punch before half the people arrive and fills a plastic bag with jumbo shrimp to take home. By the time the party is in full tilt, he is testing out, on his head, the various lampshades in the room, much to the chagrin of the gracious hostess. Before he starts “accidentally” groping the female guests as he pushes his way through the crowd, try this handy trick.
Call a local cab company to the house and when they arrive, ask Ernie if you can borrow that nifty bottle opener he has on his keychain. As he staggers to retrieve the keys back from you, have several large men escort him outside and lock the door. No worries, he will be just fine and will get home safely, for once.
Seriously, though, never let a drunk person drive away from your home. Take him home, put him in a spare room to sleep it off, or if he is belligerent and leaves anyway, tell him you will call the police to report him as a drunk driver as soon as he leaves. Then do it.
Feed the Hungry at the Holidays
Most workplaces have a food thief or two who secretly absconds with your tuna sandwich once or twice per week, even though your name is clearly marked on the bag. How about a nice, well-aged egg salad sandwich? Prepare sandwich as usual, but allow it to stay in the refrigerator for a few weeks or so. Not enough so that it smells foul, but so as to be just a little “off”. Leave the sandwich in the work refrigerator without a name tag. Note who calls in sick the next day and voila; the thief is revealed.
This is also a good way to get rid of those nasty old fruitcakes your aunt Hilda sends you every year. Note, however, that fruitcakes have a shelf life of several eons and will not help you in identifying any thieving culprits.
Holiday High Jinks at the Office
That jerky guy in accounting who always questions your expense reports will surely appreciate a little fun. Retrieve his cell phone when he leaves his cubicle. Be sure the volume is turned up to the highest level and download an obnoxious ring tone, perhaps the song, “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-Lot. Wait until everyone goes out to lunch, if possible. From an adjoining cubicle, climb up to the suspended ceiling and hurl the phone into his cube, preferably just over his head.
When he returns, go to your office and call his cell phone repeatedly. Then, sit back and watch the fun begin as “I like big butts and I cannot lie”, streams throughout the office. Be sure to tell your work buddies beforehand so they can join in the frivolity. He will eventually figure out the scheme but not before disrupting the entire department with his juvenile antics.
Or, you could be the nice guy and understand that he is just doing his job on those reports. Wish him a happy holiday and hand him a fruitcake.
Regifting on the Holidays
Uncle Ned likes to take old junk that has been hanging around his house for years and give it to his relatives as gifts. Most of the time he doesn’t bother to dust it off or take off the old price tags from stores that have been out of business for decades. Face it, old Ned has a little problem with dementia and is usually lucky to be able to dress himself in the morning. He doesn’t know any better.
Your mother-in-law, however, does know better. She gives you things you gave to her for Christmas seven or eight years ago. This year, take that special gift from Ned and slap on a new tag for “Mom”. How bad can it be? Certainly no worse than the old, dead Chia Pet, that looks remarkably like our current president sans chia-hair, he gave you last year. Just be sure to be there with camera when she opens her new treasure. You can frame the lovely picture you take of her, and give it to her for her birthday!
Or, a much better idea is to make a date with the old lady for lunch near the holiday. Before you take her to a nice restaurant, stop off for an hour or two at the local hospital children’s ward to deliver toys or read stories to the kids. Sharing a selfless experience like this, helping sick children enjoy a little holiday fun, will put your own petty relationship issues into perspective. Offer to send a nice donation to the Salvation Army instead of exchanging gifts this year. Everyone will benefit and maybe she will be off the naughty list by next year!
Whatever you decide to do, please have a marvelous, happy and fun holiday season.
Like this article? Read also Holiday Preparations Made Easy.
Therese Haberman - With a MS degree and 25 years in HR mgmt, in 2005, Ms.Therese began a writing career specializing in children and HR.
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