Parents sometimes suffer as much as the child when she has problems finding and keeping friends. At school, the child often finds herself accelerated two or three years ahead of her age because of her asynchronous development.
This usually occurs on or around the third grade. If she is not accelerated, she may be in a special class or other setting that sets her apart from her peers. How can a parent help her find a way to fit in?
Shy Gifted Children and Friends in the Early Grades
One way a parent can act as a catalyst is by opening the child’s home as a place where neighborhood kids can gather. If kids can play video or computer games, ping pong and get a snack or two, they will likely be back again in the future. Encourage the child to invite kids for family events, picnics and trips whenever possible.
In the event the family lives in a very rural area where there is no set neighborhood of kids who play together, setting up a playgroup with other children from the school is a great idea. Start with the child’s teacher, principal or go online and find other families in town who would be interested.
Church groups are another source of potential friendships for the young gifted child. Work with the religious education director or pastor and volunteer to set up a playgroup after religious education classes or other appropriate time frame.
Another source for finding children with the same interests is the parks and recreation department of the town or city. Or, if the child has a particular sports interest or enjoys dance, enroll in a local class and encourage her to invite friends over from this group.
Gifted Kids in the Teen Years Making Friends
Teens who have not established solid friendships seem to have the worst angst over their lack of socialization. In the event the child has difficulty with interpersonal relationships and the parents’ efforts are unsuccessful, it may be appropriate to consult with a professional family counselor. The counselor can work with the child on developing the social skills needed to be successful. The child obviously has the intelligence to develop her skills with time and practice.
However, even with parental intervention, some kids will just prefer to be loners. They may have one or two good friends and do not need a social group to be happy. If the child is not having anxiety about a lack of friends, the parent should leave the situation alone.
Some kids are more comfortable sharing with other kids on the internet or kids they have some common interest with, like a sport or other extracurricular activity. Some websites are specifically designed for gifted kids, parents and other advocates. For example Hoagies Gifted and GT Society are two great websites to start searching for online friends.
In summary, some shy gifted kids have difficulty establishing friendships at an early age. Some have little in common with kids their own age and are not easily accepted by older kids. Parents can make arrangements for the child by setting up a playgroup and opening up their home to the neighborhood kids. If the child is upset about the situation, counseling may help him to develop the skills needed to be more successful in this endeavor.
See also the article Interpersonal_Relationships_and_the_Gifted_Child.
Therese Haberman - With a MS degree and 25 years in HR mgmt, in 2005, Ms.Therese began a writing career specializing in children and HR.
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