Most children will hear about death at an early age, but few of them are capable of truly comprehending the finality of death until the age of eight to ten years. However, the gifted child is different. Very often, she learns about death at an age when it can be very traumatic and frightening.
Gifted Kids and Existential Depression
The gifted child who discovers the fact that he is going to die someday, along with everyone and every living thing, can comprehend this fact at a very young age. Sometimes the child will become depressed about this discovery, a concept referred to as existential depression.
In some cases, this depression may include a wide array of symptoms such as crying jags, preoccupation with morbidity, and fear of dead things. Regression to bedwetting or thumb-sucking may also occur. Talking to the child about death and explaining that the child may live to be more than one hundred years of age can sometimes give her a better perspective. However, some gifted children who are upset about death may need counseling to help them alleviate the associated fears.
Rather than waiting for this sad truth to become self-evident to the young child, the parent can start by explaining and demonstrating the life cycle of plants. Growing fruit or flowers that the child can appreciate temporarily, allows him to understand the cycle of life in its most gentle and emotionless form. Starting a garden with the pre-school age child is a wonderful learning experience in many ways, including explanations on life cycles.
As the child begins to ask more questions about living things, adopting a small pet is appropriate. Even using a goldfish is an easy way to allow the child to experience pet ownership, feeding, caring and demonstrating the explanation of how living things eventually expire and the concept of rebirth. The child will experience grief on a small scale and begin to understand the ramifications of death.
As the child gets older, cats and dogs also serve as good examples and optimally, when the child is ready to understand, the parent can explain that people also are born, reproduce and die as part of the natural world life cycle. Reassurance about the natural fear of death can alleviate some anxiety as can religious beliefs and associated rituals carried on by the family.
Natural Occurrences of Death in the Life of the Gifted Child
The parent is the best judge of when the child is able to effectively handle these hard facts. Some gifted kids could deal with this at age five while for others who may be more emotionally sensitive, waiting until he is older is a better plan.
No matter what plan exists, as all adults know, stuff happens. Sometimes it happens at a point that is not optimal. Parents or grandparents may die and this will affect all children strongly.There is a big distinction here between the concept of grief and the idea of death. The gifted child coming to terms with the idea of death is the primary focus of this article.
Grief is experienced in a similar way between gifted children but has unpredictable elements of uniqueness. Often, the earlier the child understands death and experiences grief, the more likely she will have a powerful reaction (to a human death). For example, gifted children who lose a loved one at a very early age are most often apt to require counseling intervention or may develop fears associated with death.
Death, Religion and Ritual for the Gifted Child
Parents are encouraged to consider inclusion of the gifted child in events such as funerals and religious ceremonies associated with the death of loved ones. Obviously, the very young child may not be ready to appreciate the symbolism and process.
One way to help a gifted child deal with death and dying is to answer all her questions as completely as possible. This may involve actually doing some scientific research about the process. She may best come to terms with things if she feels knowledgeable about the subject in general.
As the parent, say and do what is best for the child, with an understanding that the less traumatic, the better; the older the child, the better, assuming that the parent doesn't wait too long to introduce the concept of death and dying. Think in terms of explaining sexuality to the child. If parents wait too long, he will find out on his own and it may not be the way the parents would like to see him find out (i.e. the internet, friends, etc.).
Gifted kids are amazing and unpredictable people. Helping them to learn the hard facts of life involving death, dying and one's own mortality is best not left to chance. Help him by introducing him to plant life cycles at an early age and follow this with small pets and then larger pets. Understand the difference between experiencing grief and conceptualizing one's own death.
Help the child understand that death is a part of life and provide him with emotional support as well as an introduction to the rituals, religious beliefs of the family and/or the scientific facts associated with the life cycle.
Please also read the related article, Helping Gifted Children with Depression.
References:
Hoagies' Gifted Education Page. Grief and Mourning (accessed June 22, 2010).
Schuurman, Donna L. Helping Children Cope With Death. Portland, OR: The Dougy Center, 1997.
Therese Haberman - With a MS degree and 25 years in HR mgmt, in 2005, Ms.Therese began a writing career specializing in children and HR.
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