When the gifted child acts out, he can do so in imaginative ways. Whether he deliberately locks his siblings out of computer use by manipulating their passwords or stages a organized revolt against his perceived dictatorial parents, he will find a way to express his displeasure and angst.
Raising a gifted child is a major challenge even when the child is on good behavior. She will have more questions about life and more doubt about the answers her parents can give her. When she is feeling stressed or out-of-sorts, the myriad of ways she can devise to express her disgruntlement are seemingly limitless.
Setting House Rules and Attaining Agreement From the Gifted Child
Using logic and reasoning to convince the child that a certain rule or course of action is warranted is much superior to the old stand-by, "because I said so" refrain. Because the child is capable of understanding her parents' motives and accepting their limits when she is given the full picture of information, her parents are likely to obtain her agreement to abide by rules that make good sense.
Getting agreement should occur at a neutral time and setting. For example, during a family meeting would be an ideal time to introduce new behavior rules or adjust existing parameters. Because he agreed to a given course of action, he will understand that violation of the rules should result in punishment or other negative consequences.
Establish a Process for Handling Grievances From the Gifted Child
The gifted child has a very keen sense of fairness and justice. Therefore, if he is treated differently from other siblings in a way that he sees as constraining, he will be more apt to react or act in a negative way. Even when differences in ages are the reason for different rules, he will be more apt to find fault with the argument that his brother can stay out later because he is older, since it is based on an arbitrary variable that he has no control over, hence it is unfair.
He may argue that since he is intellectually functioning at an 18-year-old's level, he should be allowed to do what other 18-year-olds can do, and he has a good point. The parents need to present the case that there are safety concerns with a young looking person that are not a serious issue for older looking kids, who can protect themselves because of their size, etc.
Using an independent party to mediate issues that arise between the gifted child and the parent is often a fair and appropriate avenue to address areas where there are disputes about the restrictions. This person should be acceptable to both child and parent and could be a grandparent, aunt or family friend.
Open Communications on All Subjects With the Gifted Child
Sometimes, the rules in a household are made because of financial constraints and other family limitations. If this is the case, the parents should not feel they must shelter the child from this information. She is very capable of understanding if she cannot be allowed to do something due to financial issues.
This does not mean the parents burden the child with concerns about paying bills, financial solvency or job loss insecurities. Some information may be too stressful for kids to deal with effectively. Gifted children grow up too quickly and need to have a sense of security and family support. If the child feels this, he will be more inclined to express his feelings and concerns openly. This will help to set him up for healthy functional relationships with his parents and siblings.
In summary, raising a gifted child is very challenging. Many gifted kids can come up with unique ways of acting out and getting attention from their parents. One way to get through to the child is to reason with them about why certain rules are needed. Using a family meeting format for clearing the air and setting up a way to discuss issues has been successful for many families. Further, making sure the children know that they can discuss anything and everything with the parents is imperative to good functional relationships.
Be sure to read related article, Dealing_With_Disruptive_Behavior_in_the_Gifted for more information.
Therese Haberman - With a MS degree and 25 years in HR mgmt, in 2005, Ms.Therese began a writing career specializing in children and HR.
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